What a Two Dollar Train Fare Taught Me about Grace

As I approached the train station, a man waved me down. He wanted to know if he could give me two dollars for the train fare so I could swipe my card and let him through the gates, otherwise he would have to walk four blocks to another station with a fare card vending machine.

No problem. I was happy to do so.

Actually, I told him he could keep his two dollars, telling him anyone who has ridden the ‘L’ has had a similar experience. But he absolutely refused, saying he was embarrassed to even ask for help. Eventually, I shrugged and said I would keep his money if it made him feel better.

The entire interaction made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I actually found joy in helping a fellow commuter; I didn’t judge him and it was easy for me to get him through on my fare card. It cost me very little to help him, but he was so uncomfortable receiving grace that he felt he had to pay me. I’ve realized since then that the reason I felt uncomfortable is because he acted with me the way I sometimes act with God.

Why do I come to God sheepishly, asking for grace when I feel I don’t have enough – enough time, enough patience, enough resources, enough wisdom? If I stop and think about it, he’s the abundant God of the universe and has unlimited resources. Why do I hold back from asking? Because, like the man at the train station, I seem to think I should have it all together. I have trouble admitting that I’m weak, flawed and needy. And I wonder if I rob God of the joy of giving me grace by insisting that if I do ask, I’ll pay him back, offering my own version of a two dollar train fare.

The words of two people have stuck with me and encouraged me as I continue to live out grace in my own life:

• Angie Ochoa, a single mom who has been in Caris and ProGrace programs for years once said to me, “If you had a friend who owned everything in the world and could do anything, wouldn’t you be texting him all the time, saying ‘Hey, can you help me out of this situation’ or ‘Could you give me this?’ That’s how I feel about God. It’s so cool that he loves us and wants us to talk to him all the time, asking for what we need.”

• Joseph Prince, pastor of a mega-church in Singapore, says (and I’m paraphrasing here) that Jesus loves when we take from him. As we read the Gospels, we see him giving all the time, never shaming anyone for asking for help. And the reason Jesus loves when we take from him is that he has more than enough of everything. We can never drain his resources, we can never exhaust his patience, we can never inconvenience him. Jesus is overflowing with abundance and supply in every area. No matter how much we take from him, he still has more to give.

We may think that sounds selfish—to have a relationship where we’re always taking—but Jesus knows how much we need him. And he knows that love, worship and praise are born out of a heart that is grateful. The more I let Jesus give to me, the more I will love him in return. The more I let Jesus give to me, the more joyfully I can extend grace to others. So I’m going to let God’s abundant grace wash over me today, meeting all my needs, big and small.

And I’m not going to try and offer back a payment for that grace.

Will you join me?

By Angie Weszely (@AngieWeszely)